She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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