a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
