In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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