# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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