I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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