Having a random hookup so left but love u
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
