I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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