just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
