I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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