Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
