i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
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we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
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your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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