If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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