More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
