Your tits are I can't wait for
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
