It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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