I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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