your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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