I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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