was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I could make wine with my vomit
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Even the bartender felt bad for me
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
