I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
