Only a mothe r could love this liver
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
