And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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