you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
