I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
