Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize