Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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