I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
