Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
