I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
