Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
