my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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