she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
