It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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