Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize