so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
