The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
