I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
