she smelled like a LAN party
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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