Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
