cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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