He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize