Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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