We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
