part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
