Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
