Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
