i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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