I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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