We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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