I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
