I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
