just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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