i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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