Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
