I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
