I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You can't special order awesome
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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