just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
