I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
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If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
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You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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