I got chris browned last night
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
