Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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