You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
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I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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