just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
