Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
