Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
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slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
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my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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