Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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