You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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