sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
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Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
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Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize