Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
