you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
